Tuesday, February 14, 2012
The Past on My Doorstep
6:18 AM | 
Posted by
Cheryl |
I arrived home last week to find a mystery box with my name on it. It was from my sister Debbie, but she hadn't said a word about sending anything. I opened the box and found myself looking into a distantly familiar face.
I have previously written about my mom's story when I started this blog in 2009, but visiting her life again through the contents of this box I am especially struck by her resiliency. She was determined to go to school, graduating from Long Beach Junior College at 21, and later finishing her four year degree at the University of Southern California at 24. When my father met her several years later, he found her still living at home, trapped in a family that depended on her for cooking, cleaning, and general maid service. He told me once that she seemed to live the life of a Cinderella, and he desperately wanted to rescue her. They married, and her new life as wife, mother, and registered nurse began. Finally, she had a family of her own.
At the bottom of the box were the funeral announcements, and the guestbook from her funeral. She was 48 years and 10 months old when she died. I was nine. Knowing that my mom suffered a difficult childhood, and witnessing her prolonged battle with cancer and early death - I have often thought of her as a somewhat tragic figure. And yet when I see her determined face and direct eyes in the picture below, I wonder.
As soon as her green eyes opened, I was 11 years old again, standing in my parent's garage on a dusty summer afternoon. A box was opened, and a baby doll I had never seen before was lifted out. I can't remember who it was in the garage with me that day, but remember being told that it was my mom's doll from her childhood. My mom had been gone for a few years, but like any child I was momentarily surprised at the thought that my mom had a childhood.
Somehow this doll, with her handmade dress and well loved features made me wonder about the person my mother might have been growing up. The three year old suffering from rickets, given to another family (not adopted) to raise. The young girl leaving friends in Redfield, Iowa and moving to a new life in Long Beach, CA. The young teen struggling to care for younger siblings, and the high school senior who must have been shaken to discover that she did not really belong to the family she grew up with.
My mother's doll has lain in storage, her eyes closed, for decades. But when those green eyes fly open, it is hard to imagine that they don't have a story to tell. Did she once comfort a small girl in a new home? Did small arms carry and comfort her? Did my mother's green eyes look seriously into her doll's green eyes and tell her secrets? Did my mother's rough stitches make her simple yellow dress? At the very least, she was a close enough friend to be saved as a memento of a childhood that did not boast many other treasures.
The box held so many clues to my mom's personality - playful, goofy pictures of her with nursing school friends, inside jokes between classmates, letters. She was known for being good at math, but deferred when people mentioned to it. People remembered her smile, and commented on it when they wrote to her. The clues point to a determined, intelligent, kind, and playful young woman.
At the bottom of the box were the funeral announcements, and the guestbook from her funeral. She was 48 years and 10 months old when she died. I was nine. Knowing that my mom suffered a difficult childhood, and witnessing her prolonged battle with cancer and early death - I have often thought of her as a somewhat tragic figure. And yet when I see her determined face and direct eyes in the picture below, I wonder.
At 50, I am now older than my mom was at her death. We four "kids" now range in age from 50 to 63. I see her legacy in us - resilient, intelligent, determined, and playful. Maybe that's why, when I picked the doll up out of the box and her eyes opened, I almost thought I saw a flicker of recognition in those green eyes . . .
Left to right: Debbie, Cheryl, Ed (Gary's partner), Gary, and Cindy
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