Sunday, February 20, 2011
I am not a dumb bird.
8:03 PM | 
Posted by
Cheryl |
My parents took pictures of me - not a lot, but a few. In them I always looked happy and cute (believe it or not) and am dressed nicely. My brother, however, enjoyed capturing more . . . authentic moments from my childhood. The snapshot above was taken one day when I wouldn't eat my oatmeal. This was the beginning of a no good, very bad day. I did not eat my oatmeal. I did not eat the peanut butter sandwich at lunch, and I did not eat my dinner. And so I sat. All day. And cried. And . . . won. This picture could be entered into the dictionary under 'stubborn.' Cleaning my plate remained a major issue during my childhood, and left me permanently adverse, even as an adult, to eating that last morsel at any meal. Some part of me was still refusing to give in, even though the battle was over long ago. Such useless stubbornness. Not until I began Weight Watchers recently did I find myself hungry enough and willing enough at mealtime to clean my plate . . . at least most of the time. I still can't see the point in eating Cauliflower.
Even waaay back then, what I wanted was sweets. Gary snapped this picture after I had clambored up onto the kitchen table to steal chubby handfuls of freshly baked chocolate cake. I was determined. I was stubborn. And I was fortunate my brother found me and not my parents!
At 17 I started dating Mark, and by age 20 we were engaged. Oddly enough I fell for someone who is every bit as strong willed as I am. In fact when we took our pre-marital Taylor-Johnson Temperament Analysis, we scored 98 and 99 on the dominant/submissive scale. We still argue about who got the 99. And so when we had Amy, we knew that we were in for it. And we were. What goes around comes around.
I'm scared just looking at that determined face! Aren't you?
As Amy reached the terrible twos, progressed to the terrifying threes, and started into her fearful fours, we began to ask ourselves if all that strong will was such a good thing, after all. Strong will, properly channeled could serve Amy well as an adult, but defiance was another issue altogether. Fortunately for Amy, we could generally tell the difference between the two.
Amy was only two when one day, in exasperation, I said, "You are so stubborn!" Her language skills were still developing, but without missing a beat, she shot back indignantly, "I am not a dumb bird!" How she got 'dumb bird' out of 'stubborn' I have no idea, but her message was clear. Unfortunately, I laughed so hard I cried - and that didn't make her any happier. We still sometimes call her a dumb bird, and she knows exactly what we mean.
Mark and Amy on the cliffs above Goleta Beach.
Strong will. Determination. Persistence. Perseverence.
These can be God-given super powers when you find a task that must be accomplished or a worthy goal that must be reached. However -
Obstinence. Defiance. Rigidity.
These are closely related and must be watched for as the negative imposters they are. We are all still in the process of learning how to use our super powers, no matter our age.
Now, how it is that our dog is also strong willed . . . . that is a mystery.
The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't. ~Henry Ward Beecher
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1 comments:
Sometimes, I think it is useful to go back over child development, ya know? Then, generally, I discover that it's more about my strong-willed "dumb-bird" behavior...ME being rigid and persisting in expecting behavior that no child would happily comply with. And then if I watch and encourage their independence...I see good things...determination to button shirts, perseverance in stacking blocks, etc.